I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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