ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
