I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
