Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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