hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
