I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
