Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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