Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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