I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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