omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
