guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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