So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
