the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize