Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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