My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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