As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
