the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
