i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
we're so committed to being not committed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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