Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
