Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize