You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
