it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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