on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
