There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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