I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
