Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
