I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
