I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
