ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
