she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
