he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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