Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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