guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
