So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize