If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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