Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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