We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
