Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
