He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't deserve a penis
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
