Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
