i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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