Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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