Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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