You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize