I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
