We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
