Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
