In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize