I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
