Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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