I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
