It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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