just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
