Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
