i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
