There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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