he shaved USA in his pubs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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