you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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