I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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