What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
