I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
