Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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