You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
