Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I pour the whiskey from now on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize