the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
