don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
