Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
