Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
