So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
