Your mouth is God's brothel.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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