i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
