I'm really into asian looking animals
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
