This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
