He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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