I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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