DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize