I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
