you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im part way to drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
