So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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