I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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