Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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