It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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