This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
