just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
