Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Drake has all the answers
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize