bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
