everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
