1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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