so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
