Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
