my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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