I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
