yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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