I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
NoShamevember. You game?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
