I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
