Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
