After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My liver just had a heart attack.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize