Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
