she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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