And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
