saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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