the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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