I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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