I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
