Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
