Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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