just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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