pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
