My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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